As I witness his growth, I no longer harbor doubts about the kind of man he will become. His caring nature towards his cousins is evident, and he seems to come naturally to it. However, he is hesitant to let himself, see his true self, fearing it might overwhelm him. This apprehension consumes me, leading to a state of mental turmoil that threatens to drive me insane. I see the potential that was stolen from me all these years. 

Enough is enough. I yearn to reclaim my sanity and fulfill my destiny as the mother I was meant to be. I want to be the nurturing parent who witnessed the strength within him. 

My sweet child

I want to talk about my son. The most incredible. Most beautiful person I have had the pleasure to meet. I’m in awe and sometimes, Forget, I birthed this little person. The boy with the big smile but pain in his heart. Afraid to spread his wings for fear of people not understanding him. I understand his pain. Once a fetus in my womb. I protected from harm. Now, he protects me. 14 years have flown so fast. So many hard things we’ve both having endured in our short young lives. Both babies when he was born, I was 20 years old. I’m now about to be 35, about to start working with this incredible person. Today working with his mom to build a blog. The boy who couldn’t find the right words unable to talk until he was 3 1/2. The boy who couldn’t be understood. Finally diagnosed at 11. Blossoming after his diagnosis. He is now an honor roll student. The pride of every teacher and staff member that has ever had the pleasure of meeting my baby boy. Only wishing he’d speak more. My boy who thinks he’s Annoying is the one everyone hopes to see when they visit. As he shuts himself from the world. The boy who texts me to tell me he is afraid of failing his test the next day. Needing reassurance from his mama. His mama bear, Who will always be there and he knows that. Today, we spent the day together with my partner. Today, that boy is looking for jobs in entry level coding. Today, I sob big tears as I tule coming to the realization that’s my kid! That’s my baby boy. No longer little now taller than me. I can’t wrap my head around it all. I know, he will be ok, but my heart breaks because I know the world is cruel. I just hope more people find their way to him. I hope he learns to understand his value. That other people will be proud to be in his life because he will enrich theirs in a way only he can. I hope the world becomes a bit kinder to our children but until then, Keep shining a light on them, so the world can see them for the beauty they are.

To all the mom and dads out there. Bless you. Bless your family and bless your child/ren . I’m so often heartbroken seeing our children struggling. I hope my family can be an inspiration for better days ahead. Never give up! Remember the days you spent on the bathroom floor screaming to the universe. Why? Why me? Why them? Why? How do I do this another day? You do. You do it for them because they will be change to this cruel world. Let’s keep shining a light for a kinder world.

13 years